Scientific Research In The Cove

I knew it was bound to happen eventually. Scientists have descended on our little cottage cove to study us. They are using a cover story that they are “researching arsenic levels in the water” but I am pretty sure that is only a ruse, enabling them to get close and watch what Lonesome Larry, Alleghany Al and I are doing. You know Stephen Harper, he likes to keep an eye on the dissident types. So…in order to find out what is really going on, I dispatched our roving-investigative-reporter-without-portfolio Lonesome Larry MacDonnell to find out just what these “scientists” are really up to. Here is his report.


Rob we’re gettin our arse-nicks checked !!! Don’t get nervous, nothing to do with “bend over”. I’ll give you a bit of info so you can understand the science behind this in deep report.

Doctor Phil, no not the guy on before Live at Five; Phil from the cove, old like you and Al, been at the cove every summer since he could walk. Well he spent lots of time up with the polar bears and permafrost, spittin’ out blackflies and lookin for whatever Gee-all-a-gee people look for and after lots of readin and writin got his PFD and took a job at Lakehead U or someplace outside Toronto and became THE ROCK DOC.

So bein a man of science he wants to know w-t-f, I mean all about the cove and the lake where he grew up and where he plans to retire as President Emertreeus of UpperLakeville U.

He has his students, I mean under-grads do stuff that he dreams up until they don’t come back next term or get it right. (Rob, they’re kind of like you when you take something apart and I help you put it back together then we have a couple of beers, after a few times you can do it all by yourself and I drink all the beer, now pay attention Rob that’s how science works).

DR Phil knows there are a bunch of arse-nicks in the cove and has a couple of apprentice Rock Docs doing science stuff lookin for them.

For example Rob, there’s probably a hole bunch of arse-nicks in this rock, Doctor Phil wants to know all about it. He’s gonna be an arse-nick specialist looking at arse-nicks all over the place.

Here’s a pic of the apprentice Rock Docs heading out for a day on the lake gatherin rocks.

I gotta say its nice to see a couple of kids with brains and ambition getting dirty and wet, swearin at the circleflies and yankin on a outboard motor, not to mention drinkin beer and eatin chips at the little camp fire Me ‘n’ Al put on for them.

I did find out one thing, the water in the lake doesn’t have a lot of arse-nicks floatin around in it but some of the rocks they found do, how come, that’s the question the THE ROCK DOC wants answered.

With the proper funding this could be a 20 year study, floatin laboratory, we could use the pontoon boat, standby rescue craft, Al’s big boat is perfect, and rapid response with my Princecraft to deliver hot pizza and beer to the workers, Tim’s, KFC We’re gonna be up to our arse-nicks in jobs and money, we may even bump a couple of destroyers at the ship yards when we expand the fleet !!!!

That’s science Rob, some old guy dreams somethin up and gets the kids to do all the work , and it’s all done with other peoples money. We gotta get some beer and sit down for a long plannin session with Dr.Phil. In the meantime Rob, don’t throw away any rocks, we might be sittin’ on a fortune in arse-nicks…..

Editors Note: I am already on it Lonesome, I’ve started advertising the pontoon boat for sientific re-serch.

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