Roving Correspondent Report
Up until now, our roving correspondent here at The Cottage Chronicles, Lonesome Larry, has been…well…mostly “roving” supplying us with snippets of info and reports from time to time but falling a little short on full length feature articles. He has been kind of hard to tie down to the laptop and get a full story out of whatever goes on in his head which is actually quite complex….
Up until now.
Imagine my delight when I checked my email tonight and discovered not only an email from Lonesome Larry, a full article !! Yup, he obviously sat down and did some work, earning his non-existant paycheck. In honor of his recent submission, I have given Lonesome Larry Stories their own category.
So without further adieu, here is Lonesome Larry’s report from his recent weekend at the cottage.
By Lonesome Larry, RCTCC
Well Rob the old place next door has new owners Paul aka : LTD (licensed to drill) and Angela : aka Rx. You will probly hear the sounds of money bein’ spent come spring. They got kids and dogs and cats, boats ‘n water skies, like bon-fires ‘n beer, nice family. Anyway me ‘n Al had a chance to be neighbourly and help out our new lady neighbour on their first big weekend at the camp.
Maine Coon Cat
The boys wanted a cat so Rx got a “ Maine Coon Cat ” I never heard of a Maine Coon Cat, but it looks like a skinny raccoon and sleeps on the bed, 100% house cat, never been in the country. I see ya grinnin’ already Rob.
Mary Lu, from up the road, or who ever she is, comes along on her noontime stroll to be nosey, I mean meet the new neighbours with her Golden Retriever, Sparky or Clyde or whatever he’s called. Clyde sees Coon, you could read his mind “My Dad hates coons, they get in the garbage, I’m gonna rip the tail off that thing.”
Heel Clyde, Heel !!!
Well, Coon made the trees, the kids were cryn’, Rx was tryn’ not to scream and Mary Lu was goin’ through the fir thicket yellin’ at Clyde to “heel” Clyde heard “kill” and went 10 feet up a spruce while Coon climbed 30 feet up a maple.
Noon Time Rest Period
Me ‘n Al were havin’ our noon-time rest period on his front porch with Mr. Labatte and didn’t pay a lot of attention until our teary-eyed new lady neighbour walked over and quietly asked for assistance. Stop laughin’ Rob.
To The Rescue
We estimated, (Al’s good at estimatin’) that cat was about 30 feet up, long way up for old fat guys like Al. Rx was weepin’ and tellin’ her little guys that Coon knew how to hold on even though he had never climbed a tree before. Rob, we were in a spot, this was a 911, me ‘n Al had to respond with all the resources available to us, so we grabbed another beer and sat down to make a plan.
We thought of your 12 gauge Rob but Rx is not the type to go along with the “Tackleberry” solution, I asked Al if his power saw was sharp but the maple was too close to the wires. We had another beer and decided to tie our aluminum Costco 20 footers together and go up after Coon. It gets better Rob, get Wendy to bring you a drink!
Tied Off The Ladder
The “ladder” reached the limb Coon was on but he headed for a higher altitude. Al went about half way up and tied ‘er solid , Rx was ready to climb, we couldn’t go up, there are unknown effects from altitude and alcohol. Before the climb we gave her work gloves and Rx put on GGOTL’s old winter coat for purrtection from the claws, up she climbed, Coon was havin’ none of it and found a higher limb.
Save The Cat Dad!!
Rx descended into her hubbies arms in tears, the kids grabbed him at the waist beggin’ him to save Coon. LTD had been workin’the kinks out of his new boat all mornin’ and needed a beer while a rescue plan was formulated. There was no choice, in front of a tearful wife, weeping kids and new neighbours, it’s a guy thing, he has to “get er dun”
Coon was now 10 feet above the top of our Costco tied together ladder, there was a few limbs to climb on but LTD would be holdin’ the tree and the cat and feelin’ for down with his feet.
Al brought over his “stop yer fall harness” ( 1945 navy surplus ) and helped LTD put it on. Just as Rx was helpin’ to tighten up the crotch straps LTD mumbled “stupid damn cat, let it get down on it’s own”.
Rob it wasn’t pretty , them straps came up snug if you get the picture, LTD was breathin’ funny for a bit, good thing the clinchers were old and weak, the pressure let up a bit, he started to look normal in the face after a few minutes and we asked if he wanted the old coat and gloves but bein’ a man on a mission and not wantin’ those straps tightened again up he goes two rungs at a time .
Coon was as high as he could go, stuck between the top limbs, LTD gets tied off while me ‘n Al are givin’ opinions on how to subdue the critter, Rx and the kids are weepin’ and wailin’ about the cat fallin’ ( the hell with Dad, we need that cat ).
By now the word has spread and there is a big crowd of five or six ladies and kids gathered to witness the “thrill of victory” or the “agony of defeat”.
LTD was wearin’ a T-shirt and shorts, Coon was terrified and not de-clawed, Rx yelled “Don’t let go of the cat”!!!!
Rob, the last time I heard a man scream like that was when one of my fishin’ buddys got the Preparation H and Minards Linament bottles mixed up. It was a rapid descent, the cat and kids headed for the bedroom and LTD stood at the bottom of the ladder a hero, shirt torn all to hell, blood everywhere .
Coon had locked his front feet on the back and rear claws on the chest, OMG that man was a hurtin’ unit. The crowd left, one little guy told his mum “That man says bad words just like daddy.” “Oh he does”was the only reply.
LTD is tryin’ not to let the tears flow in front of us guys, he is in pain, bleedin’ and probly in shock or sumpthin’, Rx says it looks like they were really sharp claws and heads for the camp to check on the cat and kids.
Al, bein’ trained in first aid got out the kit and we cleaned up the cuts and got most of the blood off him with them Lysol Disinfection Swipes, stung a bit but they worked.
We reviewed the events that evening with a post-tramatic-event beer or two, and a bonfire…….LTD has recovered from “ALL” injuries and I bet Rx and the kids will watch for dogs next time Coon goes explorin’ .
Written by:Lonesome Larry, (Larry MacDonnell) January 9, 2012
Since I posted this story, one of our readers Sandra, sent us a picture of her own Maine Coon Cat. This is “Gem” a bonifide Maine Coon Cat, a cool cat and…best of all, Gem is a cottager too !!!
Picture of Maine Coon Cat:Wilkipedia Creative Commons-byTomitheos