Innernet

Our roving report Lonesome Larry MacDonnell is at it again, this time trying to get internet hooked up at the cottage, along the way he runs into more trouble.

Innernet

Well Rob the cottage season is here and I have started to bring the old camp into the modern world, flat screen, microwave, and innernet so I can email across the cove instead of walkin’ over to swap the latest B.S.

I called the phone company last week to get the place connected to the world and guess what, that woman that works at the GPS place —( RECALCULATING ) — well her sister answered the customer service line at ( my service provider ).

I got her on the line after pushing about a dozen numbers and asked how she was doin’ today –long pause– how may I help you – I knew there was no sense of humor and this may be a high blood pressure call.

After a while we got to the point where she and me found the cheapest “bundle”, whatever that is, and we got to the billing and shipping details. When the billing address is in New Brunswick and delivery is in Nova Scotia, you know there is gonna’ be a SNAFU.

She got it “recalculated” that the “mow-dam” should be sent to Upper Lakeville in Nova Scotia, but I didn’t know the postal code. She accessed the Canada Post web site and figured on shipping to Sydney Mines, I’m glad she put me on hold , I needed a drink.

Gave her all the places within 10 miles but they weren’t on the list. I had a brain thing and told her to look up the code for someone on the Upper Lakeville road, the mail lady knows everything so she could bring it to the camp. No way, privacy act, can’t give ya somebody’s postal code.

I told her my buddy’s phone number up the road and she could send it there if she had his address ( first name I found in the phone book) it worked, told her I would write it down, she was of the opinion that most customers knew their postal code. I kept my mouth shut Rob, except to have another drink, opened up the camp log book and there on the first page Gorgeous Gwen Of The Lake (GOTL) had wrote down the Postal Code for the camp. They’re a step ahead ain’t they Rob?

So the “mow-dam” is on the way in a day or two and me ‘n Paul (LTD) are doin’ some excavatin’ work with his big yellow digger, well— he’s doin’ the diggin’ and I’m doin’ the watchin’ to keep him away from the wires.
"mini excavator"
I flunked my job, he hooked the phone line and tore it off the pole , time for a beer and a plan.

Called “ my service provider” , on the little Samsung personal communicator,(cell phone) she didn’t need the postal code but wanted to know where Upper Lakeville was !!!!

On hold again “recalculating”, where do they get that music???? She found me— in Nova Scotia— near Halifax , imagine that !!!!! A lineman would be there first thing in the morning to replace the phone that was out of service. Rob, I figured some guy in B.C. would get a service call and a new phone.

Sure ‘nuff next mornin’ here comes a white van with ten yellow ladders on top, out jumps a big tall young feller wearin’ a “TOOL-MAN” belt, hollers “hi, I’m Len Campbell.”

Up the pole, hooked ‘er up then got on the phone, probably singin’ to “recalculating”.

Try ‘er out, the light is flashin’ and the tone is beepin’ so I 99 the thing and get a message that my phone is out of service, Len tells me “it ain’t now”!!! and heads out— lookin’ for another overload — or maybe a large dub dub.

Now we’re all fixed up ready for the “innernet”.

Waited a day or two, no “mow-dam” from Canada Post. She did send it to Sydney Mines I bet.

Over to the local post lady , tell ‘er my name and what’s on my mind, she’s got the box under the counter, didn’t know where to leave it. I don’t have a post box so they couldn’t leave a delivery card, good thing I dropped in, shippin’ it back tomorrow. My phone number is on the box under the post code. Thanks for keepin’ it safe for me. Bye. OMG I need a beer!!!!

Me ‘n Al open ‘er up and he’s pluggin’ wires and beatin’ on the laptop —— it ain’t workin’, Al knows this stuff, he was a “geek” before they invented one.

You know the next thing don’t ya Rob, called “ my service provider”.

“What’s your phone number?” don’t those people have caller ID??

“We’re sorry sir, that number is out of service.”

“No my darlin’ Len fixed it.” on hold, “recalculating”

“What color are the lights on your “mow-dam”?”

“Hard to tell they ain’t on my dear.”

“Sir , we will send a service person to your location within the hour there has been a DSL failure”

Kind of scary soundin’ but we’ll stay cool until help arrives.

Here comes Len, dust flyin’ and gravel beatin’ off the fenders, forgot to plug ‘er in at the box down the road. Thanks See ya. Just call Tech Support to get your thirty eight character, super secret , activation code and temporary pass word.

I recalculated that there weren’t enough beers for the weekend, left Al to make things right , headed for the pop-shop. Rob, do ya think you ‘n Wendy could show me how to run a “eye-phone”, there’s a special offer just came in on the email, I’m getting’ one !!!!

Gotta go, callin GGOTL to find out why the oven won’t come on, so many buttons on the damn thing.

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