Two regulars around here, Lonesome Larry and Alleghany Al are quite the outdoorsmen. Each year they venture off to the woods to hunt a moose. Sometimes they are successful, sometimes not so much, but they are keen and that’s what counts.
Apparently, after trying the traditional moose hunting methods, calling, still hunting bogs and swamps, and setting up stands to wait for a big bull to come by, all unsuccessful, they came up with an idea. Al says it was Larry’s idea, but Larry says it was Al’s….no matter, they figured it was a pretty good plan.
It took some doing, but Lonesome Larry, ever the resourceful outdoorsy guy, found an realistic cow moose costume on Ebay, in the halloween costume section. He didn’t order it though, because he is resourceful remember, and perhaps a teeny bit cheap…He just used the pictures as a template to fashion his own cow moose disguise which he sewed together himself, with a needle and monafilament fishing line, even sewing in a zipper from an old unused sleeping bag to make it easy to get on and off. Considering Larry isn’t known as a fella who does a lot of sewing, it was pretty impressive.
It looked like a real moose, or close enough to a real moose that they figured it would work.
The Opening Day Of Moose Season
On opening day of moose season, when the bulls are all looking for a female, or “cow” moose, to mate with, Larry and Alleghany Al packed up their new moose suit, loaded their moose huntin’ rifles and headed off to the bog behind the mountain to call a moose.
The set up in the early morning beside a small boggy lake. The kind of lake that seems like it has no bottom, just muck, and hundreds of lily pads and grasses that moose love to eat. Who hasn’t seen at least a picture of a majestic moose belly deep in a small boggy lake, enjoying a supper of lily pads, swamp greens and other delicious aquatic vegetation? Well that is the kind of place Larry and Al had found, a perfect place to call an elusive bull moose.
Just as the sun was setting, giving the lake a lovely warm orange hue, they slipped into their moose costume and Al, in the front of the costume, expertly bellowed, calling for a moose with his birchbark horn. They had worked out what was a great plan, use the birchbark call (no electronic moose calls for our two outfitters) to bring a moose in their direction, then move around the lakeshore in their disguise, convincing a bull moose to come close for a bit of ummmm…moose lovin’. The plan was to slip off their cow moose disguise at the last minute and shoot the moose. As they stood by the lakeshore in their cow moose disguise, calling and grunting, both our heros were thinking about frying up a delicious moose steak for supper. Larry was also thinking it would go good with homemade french fries, fried up in his homemade deep fat fryer, but since the small kitchen fire, his wife Qwen had put her foot down and made him turn his homemade deep fat fryer into a flower pot for the cottage veranda.
The Plan Comes Together
Their plan was coming into place perfectly, Al called on his birchbark horn, short snapper grunts, followed by a lonnnnnng painful bellow, the exact wild call of a cow moose looking for a mate. In no time they had an answer. A big bull moose who had been lounging nearby, responded to their encouraging calls of lust and love, and moved towards them like a freight train coming quickly around the lakeshore, stopping occasionally to respond with his own loud grunt, telling his new girlfriend he was on his way, ready, willing and more than able.
The guys scrambled to get out of their cow moose suit, and as Al pulled and tugged on the old zipper, it jammed in the fabric and stuck. They twisted and turned and pulled and wiggled, but they couldn’t get the damm zipper undone. Suddenly it occurred to Larry that the reason the old sleeping bag he had taken the zipper from wasn’t used anymore was because the zipper jammed.
Here Comes The Moose!
By this time our heros were starting to panic a bit, afraid the big bull moose was going to get away. While they struggled with the zipper, outside the suit they could hear the big animal crashing through the underbrush, breaking branches, knocking down small saplings with it’s huge horns as he came eagerly toward his newfound love interest. It turns out, Larry had done an excellent job making the cow moose suit, either that, or they had found a nearsighted bull moose.
Larry, in the back of the suit, unable to see much, but knowing the big bull moose was close by and coming closer, hurriedly whispered, as he struggled with the stuck zipper, “What are we gonna do?” a hint of desperation in his voice as the lovestruck bull moose came closer and closer.
Alleghany Al, at the head of the cow moose disguise, and always the more relaxed of the two, answered, “Well I dunno about you, but I am going to start nibbling grass.”
Footnote: Afterwards, Al said that he was amazed at the excellent job Lonesome Larry did at sounding like an authentic cow moose in the throes of love. Al said Larry’s short snapper grunts, groans, snorts, gasps and howls sounded very authentic…..
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