Awww The Weekend Aww The Fireworks

Ya know….I like fireworks as much as the next fella, maybe more, but….I must be getting old. Is it just me or has anyone else noticed that folks all move to cottage country obstensibly for peace and quiet and then do everything in their power to create anything but peace and quiet?


It’s a beautiful evening here on the lake, the sky is clear, the stars are out, the lake is calm and, well, peaceful….until the pre-arranged ceasefire ends just around dark. Yup, it always reminds me of those first news reports we saw on television back when the Americans invaded Iraq, missiles and rockets flaring across the sky, loud bangs when the shells burst.

Well fast forward to 2011, stand on the end of my wharf and you can relive that fascinating experience. That’s just about when the weekly fireworks shows start, first one cottage fires a few, then another, then one down the lake shoots off one of those ‘screaming betsy’s’ you know, the ones that whistle through the air, making you wonder for a minute if it going to hit you. Then a bunch of partygoers scream and cheer much like I imagine Paleolithic man(or woman) first screamed and cheered when he (or she) first discovered fire. It never gets old this stuff…..every time I see a Shock and Awe or an Untamed Retribution (actual names of fireworks) I feel like it’s the first time, if only sex could be like fireworks…..

Like I said, I am getting old. I remember when fireworks happened a couple times a year, usually Natal Day, and perhaps Canada Day, maybe Labour Day, and they were usually fired off by skilled, trained, pyrotechnic technicians, or, at the very least, some guys from the local volunteer fire department who wore helmets and big thick raincoats. Well not anymore, these days, anyone with 39 bucks and a pack of matches can get a pack of fireworks to entertain and enthrall all his or her cottage neighbors and perhaps with any luck, bring down a satellite orbiting earth.

I’m sure it’s not just me who enjoys the regular weekend shows, the loons must love them, they always start to cry wooohoooo-wooooo-hooooo when the fireworks start, I am sure to encourage the neophyte pyrotechs to fire off some more. The loons are probably saying to each other, “Finally, it’s getting civilized around here” or “And they call us loonie” I suppose the deer and rabbits move out of the forest to the edge of the lake to watch as well, probably equally enthralled with their amazing new human neighbors and the fascinating glow when a “palm burst” lights up the night sky, blocking out the stars.

Now before you accuse me of number one, being a stick in the mud, or number two, being old fashioned, or number three, being a hypocrite, I like fireworks, I really do, I always go to the annual fireworks show at the campground. I also love the newer stuff, the noisy ones, and the screaming betsys or whatever they are called, I oooh and awww with the next guy, just not every damn weekend. It’s just not special anymore.

And speaking of special, can someone, anyone, tell me why you need a 200,000 watt stereo in a $3500 speedboat, and why it is necessary to “punch up the bass” as you cruise up the lake at 1:00 in the morning? I’m not complaining, just asking, maybe I am missing out on something, maybe I should try it. I am open to new things. I often wonder what I am missing as I lay in my bed in the camp, listening to the steady thump, thump, THUMP of the bass as you cruise on by my place, obviously grooving to the music.

Time was, I would lay in my bed listening to the sound of a loon calling on the lake, or the delightful sounds of a summer thunderstorm, and the related rain dancing on the roof. As I write this, I am sitting by an open window overlooking the lake, it’s 12 midnight, and all I can hear the steady thump thump thump of the stereo as a group of frolicking boating partiers have a rolicking good time in pitch black darkness in the middle of the lake, that’s gotta be fun. I should go get Lonesome Larry now and see if he wants to take a night cruise up the lake in the pontoon boat listening to the sweet sounds of The Millennium Collection: The Best of Mötley Crüe….we could bang our heads on the floor of the pontoon boats while we shoot fireworks out of our butts off the bow of the boat….um….ok…ok…got carried away there…

Aw what the heck, it’s summertime, the living is easy, and a few fireworks brighten up an otherwise lovely night on the lake, the more I think about it, the more I really don’t give a damn…..ready-set-FIRE !!!!!!!

Yup…that sure beats the sound of a loon on the lake at night……

And now…for your easy listening pleasure, Ladies and Gentlemen, Motely CRUUUUUUUUE !!!!!

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