Just Friggin Perfect

It’s all over but the crying now….what do you think? We’ve just kicked off the big weekend of summer, July 1st, Canada Day with what can only be called glorious weather. Oh…My….God…..it was warm, sunny, not very windy, just friggin’ perfect as I like to say about things that are…um….well….just friggin’ perfect.

We spent Canada Day cruising our cottage lake aboard the SS ToplessPlease, our pontoon boat, which I prefer to refer to as a ship, although Wendy keeps telling me that just because there is a steering wheel and a seat under a canvas canopy it isn’t a “wheelhouse” and the pontoon boat is not a “ship” and furthermore, she is not crazy about me calling her “Matey” and telling her to swab the decks. Apparently that is below her pay grade aboard ship….she doesn’t seem to be taking to kindly to having to call me Captain either. If she’s not careful she is going to be walking the plank, then we’ll see who swabs the damn deck.

Not a ship….jeez I got more ship stuff on that boat than the Titanic had and we all know how that turned out. We’re equipped with enough boat gear to intimidate Transport Canada-Marine Division, CSIS and the U.S. Homeland Security….I’ve got flares, (yes flares, real flares that I have been dying to light,) flashlights, enough rope to tow an oil tanker or tie up a boatload of wannabe illegal immigrants, a couple of compasses, 2 or 3 javex bottle bailers, despite the fact that there is no place on a pontoon boat ship to bail…..we’ve also got a ladder, a fish finder/depth finder, tachometer, fuel gauge, a bunch of power switches to complicated to explain, (which means I don’t really know what they all do) a spotlight that moves up, down, and all around, controlled by the Captain, plus driving lights, navigation lights, cabin lights, two batteries, paddles, two anchors, a tool kit, emergency kit with supplies, I even have a big, heavy, gimungus red life ring on a rope to throw her when she falls overboard, stereo sound, lifejackets galore, knives, more rope, even a bunch of safety pins and a piece of 2X6 wood in case we have to build something…I even have a change of clothes, and I am thinking about getting a nice white summer Navy uniform from the war surplus store for special occasions….oh yeah baby, it’s not a mere boat, it’s a ship……

Last night we took the ship and cruised on up the lake to the July 1st firework show at the local lakeside campground, I’ve got some pictures to post as soon as I find the @#%$& camera, it’s somewhere on the boat….er…I mean ship. Perhaps it is still in the wheelhouse.

It was pretty cool to cruise on up the lake, carrying some passengers, drop anchor, turn on the courtesy lights, anchor lights and sit back to watch the firework display from the comfy couch located in the Officer’s Mess, occasionally giving the order for the crew to sound the horn to celebrate a particularly nice lip-smacking firework display. Then we found our way home with the aid of my navigation aids, compasses, bright lights and following other boats. That big old spotlight on the bow that I can control from the helm? Yeah well, turns out if you aren’t real careful with the toggle switch that controls the direction it points you can swing it around and blind yourself with it….thank God I wear my sunglasses at night, and old trick I learned from singer Cory Hart back in the 80’s…but I am digressing…..

As I mentioned, we even took on some passengers, Dave and Jancy and Kelly and Erin from across the cove. Yup….I was entrusted with the lives of non family members on the open water at night, it was a good feeling at least for me, I can’t speak for the passengers….oh all right, I will, they had a friggin’ perfect time, the outboard motor even started without me cursing at it.

Well, I guess that is all the time I have for a live cottage update, it’s 12:30 a.m. got to get to bed, I have to get up early and swab the deck…..which according to Wendy includes washing the kitchen and bathroom floors in the camp…..

Captains Log: July 2, 2011

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